Around this time of the year, most people remember their list of forgotten resolutions they jotted down on January 2nd. One hundred and seventy-two rotations around the sun until the seasons changed. Spring turns into Summer, the rain gives way to the insufferable Texas heat, and I exchange my roller sets for box braids. Five months and a few weeks into the year, my internal clock was set to strike at midnight.
I was laying on the floor, staring at the ceiling. 11:58…11:59…12. I don’t know why I just laid there. Waiting. As if my being still was going to aid in my metamorphosis into a twenty-eight year old. It didn’t. I was, however, able to let out a sigh of relief. Like most people, I had my list of resolutions. Unlike most people, I didn’t forget about it.
At the top of the year, I set out on a journey of self discovery. I needed to learn who I was and all of that other stuff that a lot of people don’t ever get around to doing. I needed to ask myself some questions, find some interests, and cross some things off of my to do list. This year, like most people, was going to be MY year. It’s exactly that.
I was actually looking forward to my birthday, which was new for everyone around me because I rarely celebrated. I hated being asked about plans and what I wanted. Seems odd, but I came to the realization that I was acting like that because I felt that I wasn’t worth celebrating. I hadn’t made any major accomplishments. I didn’t have any friends at the time. No one was gonna show up. Those were all lies and a slap in God’s face. I didn’t need any of those things to celebrate being alive. He chose me for a reason.
I made up for all of the birthdays I wasted. I planned about a week’s worth of festivities, had a photoshoot, coordinated my left and right foot on the dancefloor, SLAYED with my outfits, ate a bomb cheescake made my best friend, and topped it all off by getting baptized. I’ve finally seen my worth and it feels good. I dont have to earn it. I can’t lose it. Its a gift to me from God and that’s enough.
Thank you all for the birthday wishes and to those who helped me celebrate!
Til next time,